Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Oh well. Whatever. Nevermind.

I'll start with my conceited rant:

I know how to act. (I may say the F word a bit much, but I know when not to use it.) I have class. (Again with the F word thing.) I'm a smart girl. I have dreams. I'm driven. I'm an all around good person. Some would even say............great.

Okay. Now.

One day I was riding in my friend's car, and of course, I chose the music.

He asked, "Where did you acquire this music taste?"

I said, "Well, it's just the first music I ever listened to...and it stuck. My mom used to listen to it and I loved it. So I've pretty much listened to this stuff since I was four."

To which I got a scoff and a "Hmm. Your mom let you listen to this stuff that young? How did you turn out to be so good then?"

Umm. Excuse me?

I guess thanks for saying I'm good. But guy. Really? Is that a stab at my mother's parenting skills? And more it a stab at the parenting skills I plan to use? Cause I'm def not gonna super shield my kids and make them watch Barney until they're 15.

I'm sure my music choices as a young child had some to do with making me who I am today. So, thanks Mom. Because I LIKE who I am. (If you know me, you know this is true. Very true.)

This kind of goes into my "I think Nature vs Nurture is complete bullshit" rant, but I will discuss that another day.

A few of the songs I used to sing all the time without having a clue what any of the lyrics meant:

"Dirt" by Alice in Chains
"You Oughtta Know" by Alanis Morisette
"Low" by Cracker
"Jeremy" by Pearl Jam
"You" by Candlebox
everything by Nirvana


Even Worse. Morgan didn't understand "Butterfly" by Crazytown until......................................................................................................................................................................................this year.

That came out when we were in, like, middle school.

I knew things by then.


My point.

My music tastes have been the same for 18 years, and probably won't ever change. And though that might have made an impact on the person I am today, I don't believe it was a negative impact.

Cause I'm awesome.

Monday, March 8, 2010

What is Love? Baby Don't Hurt Me.

I've been in four semi-serious relationships in my 22 years.

The first, in high school. He was the new kid. His first day, I noticed him. And the game was on. We dated from freshman year until senior year. Though we had ups and downs, I'd have to say we experienced more downs.

Now, he is married with a beautiful baby girl.

Next, I noticed my friend's brother sure was cute. Game on, round two. We dated for about 6 months or so. This relationship had mostly ups, but in the end I just didn't feel right about it.

Now, he is engaged to a beautiful, sweet girl.

On to college. My first week, I worked in a class of upperclassmen. One of these upperclassmen in particular caught my eye. Here goes round three. This one was the easiest to snag; I have a feeling he had played the game before. Yes, easiest to snag...but hardest to keep. This one was full of downs [fights, breakups, plenty of butting heads]. Maybe we were too much alike, maybe we were too different; I never really figured that out. But either way, after about 9 months, it was over.

Now, he is in a happy, serious relationship.

Summer School before junior year. Come on round four. He sat across the room from me in class. I said, "This guy is gonna be my boyfriend." And, a few months later, he was. This one is harder to reflect on, because it only ended a month ago. We had ups and we had downs in our year and a half. We're still having ups and downs as we're trying to sort things out in our own lives while figuring out if we can still be in each other's.

Okay, so. Now that I've thrown these stories out there, lemme see if I can analyze it.

Take one.

It's Not the Having. It's the Getting.

Most telling fortune I ever pulled out of a cookie. Am I just in it for the chase? I know I enjoy the chase, I'll admit that. Everyone does. I'm just probably one of the few girls who will admit it. But I don't think I'm in it just for the chase, or I would move onto the next conquest as soon as I conquered the last. Clearly, by the length of thes relationships, that is not the case.

Take two.

I am the female version of Good Luck Chuck (kind of). Date me for a while and then you'll find your happiness. (Hence all the happy endings these guys have found.)

Take three.

What the hell is love?

Each of these four guys and I shared those words. Guy One told me after 9 months. I felt it too, so I reciprocated. I knew I loved him. Until Guy Two. What I felt for him was different. So, after 5 months, when he said the words, I thought, "Oh, okay. This is love." Yeah...then Guy Three. I'm in college. I've grown. I'm mature. This. is. definitely. love. 4 months pass and the words come to the surface. Months later, when the relationship ended, I wondered...was it really? Then Guy Four professed the words after 3 months. I knew this was love.

Orrrrr did I?

I was sure it was love with Guy One until Guy Two. Guy Two until Guy Three. Guy Three until Guy Four. When does it stop? Does it stop? How are you supposed to know when it really is love?

Take four.

Nobody should ever date me because I'm obviously crazy and know nothing about love or relationships.

First and last cheesy blog. Won't happen again :)

5 Songs For the Rest of my Life

Another MusicMonday post. I love music. A lot. But, I really think I could be content with just listening to these 5 songs for the rest of my life. I would miss others, but these would be the 5 I would choose if for some weird reason I had to ever choose 5 songs to only listen to for the rest of my life.

5. Nirvana - Lithium [1992]

I love Nirvana, of course. And this is one of the first songs I fell in love with...when I was 4.

4. Pearl Jam - Alive [1991]

I have to include a Pearl Jam song. It was close between Alive, Jeremy, and Even Flow.

3. Cracker - Low [1993]

This is one of the best songs ever. I first heard it when I was 4 or so. I sang all the words all the time. It wasn't until this year that I realized "like being stoned" meant getting high. I always pictured someone getting stones thrown at them. Yeah..

2. Alice in Chains - Heaven Beside You (Unpluggeed) [1996]

Gotta have Layne Staley. Dirt is my favorite Alice in Chains song, but I chose this one because it's equally amazing.

1. Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun [1994]

This is, by far, my very favorite number one most awesome song ever.

Runnerups included other songs by these artists as well as songs by: Hanson, Savage Garden, Celine Dion, Beck, Foo Fighters, Edie Brickell, Butthole Surfers, Incubus, Radiohead, Blind Melon, Candlebox, Britney Spears, Usher, and more.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

25 Things

Remember way back when in January of 2009 when Facebook had that "25 Random Things" craze? Yeah, well. I'm bringing it back. But not really. Not on Facebook, just here...on Faye'sbook. I'm gonna be lazy and actually keep most of mine the same. But hey, I haven't changed all that much in a year. Here goes.

1. I often wish I could dress gothic/punkrockish but feel I shouldn't.

2. I want to move to a big city. Dallas and Austin are looking like the front runners.

3. I am determined to write a book and have it published even if I am the only one to purchase a copy.

4. To me, the 2 worst things a friend could do are talk about me behind my back and lie to my face.

5. I hate the color pink but wear it anyway because it looks good on me.

6. I cried when Kurt Cobain died. I was 6.

7. I refused to wear TShirts in high school and now have probably close to 100.

8. I think I am a completely different person than I was 2 years ago. Everyone used to tell me I was different than anyone they'd ever I'm kinda boring. I wrote this one when I did my random things the first time...but I disagree now. I think I'm very close to being that interesting person again. I lost myself for a little while. But I'm back. Good for you.

9. I love NIRVANA. I hate Foo Fighters. Sorry Adam.

10. I would rather hug a bear than see a spider. Even a picture.

11. I often scare myself by imagining worst case scenarios. This ranges from car crashes to accidentally cutting all my hair off to sending a text message to the wrong person.

12. I am on my third Blackberry. And I need a new phone.

13. I never thought I would like John Mayer. I do. Now.

14. My favorite movies are 80s and 90s teen/pre-teen movies. Can't Hardly Wait, Empire Records, Drive Me Crazy, Camp Nowhere, Sixteen Candles, Weird Science, etc.

15. I work. A lot.

16. Any use of LOL, lol, el oh el, etc. irritates me. A lot. You probably didn't laugh anyway.

17. I watched the Bachelor for the first time this season. And Vienna was my favorite. The whole time.

18. My playlists vary from Hanson to Avenged Sevenfold. Zac Hanson and M. Shadows are 2 of my celebrity crushes.

19. My dream job is as an editor at a book publishing company but I'm an MIS major because I want to make money. And I enjoy it.

20. I have the same tone of voice no matter my mood. Same facial expressions usually as well.

21. Kurt Cobain's voice cheers me up and makes me sad at the same time.

22. I don't feel guilty when I talk about people because I only talk about people who deserve it.

23. Even though I don't like very many people, I really want people to like me. Really.

24. I think the friendships that really matter are the ones who make it through hard times.

25. I like my blog. Probably more than the people who read it. Just sayin.

Some of these were really hard to come up with pictures for. Woah. Brain overload. K bye.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Date Doctor

The Date Doctor came to Ole Miss Monday night and even though I probably could use a little help in that area, I was unable to attend. But Holly heard about one of the exercises he did. So now we're gonna do it.

Answer these questions to yourself, quickly, without putting much thought into them. Just the first thing you think of when you read the question.

Oh, and don't read the bottom before you answer the questions to yourself or you ruin it. Don't ruin it, silly!

Question 1.
What is your favorite animal?


Question 2.
What is your favorite color?


Question 3.
What is your favorite body of water?


My answers were:

Question 1.
Favorite animal? A seahorse.
Why? Because with seahorses, the man and woman roles are reversed.

This is how other people think of you.

Damn. Do other people think I want to be a guy? I tried to explain that yesterday...uh. I'm just not your typical high-pitched voice speaking, pink glitter wearing, hair and makeup primping girl.

Question 2.
Favorite color? Green.
Why? Because my eyes are green (and I like my eyes) and there are so many different shades, and green can be bright and fun or dark and dreary.

This is your personality.

Pretty spot on I'd have to say. I can be fun and I can be dreary. But I guess I forgot to mention that green is awesome.

Question 3.
Favorite body of water? A lake.
Why? Because it's big but not too big and small but not too small.

This is what you think about sex.


Okay, have fun with this. Post your answers in comments or something. Especially if they're more fun than mine.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Define Yourself.

I took Applied Writing in January of 2008. One of our assignments was to compose an essay in which we would define ourselves. My teacher said, "Optimist, Pessimist, Cynic, Skeptic, etc. Label yourself and explain why." Well, can I really be labeled with one word? Honestly?

I titled my paper "My Heart is Broke, but I Have Some Glue". I know, I know..."you would". Yes, I would. And I did.

Though the details and events I included in my paper to explain why I chose my label have changed, I would still label myself the same.

This is how I began my paper:

      As I am sitting at the bar, laughter and loud music surround me. I look down at my drink and notice it is at the half-way mark of my cup. I accidentally make eye contact with a guy who is standing a few feet away. He walks over to me and says the very cheesy line, "So, would you say your cup is half-empty or half-full?" My blank expression does not change. I look down at my cup, pick it up, and force all of the liquid down my throat. I stand up, hand him the cup and say, in my monotone voice, "Neither, it's empty." Many people can be easily labeled. Some can be labeled after a lot of soul searching. I do not believe any regular cliché label could ever define who I am. So, I will refer to myself as an optimistic pessimist.

My teacher, a published author, gave me this response: "You write a fine, open-hearted study of your complex self. You convince me that you do have the glue. I also believe that you have the pluck and the ability to write a great book. We both know you have the material."

Just sayin.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Power Animal

I started an internship Friday and we had a company meeting at the end of the day. Everyone had to introduce themselves by stating their name and their power animal. Everyone came up with neat, creative, I guess...meaningful, power animals. And what did I have? Nothing. I need to be prepared for these things, I'm not really the on the spot type. So I grabbed my phone and googled "clever animal" because I think I'm pretty clever. (Though, obviously not clever enough to think of my power animal on the spot.) Well, that was kind of a bust because the first thing that came up was "parrot". I don't wanna be a parrot. But I said it anyway...and my reasoning was honest. "I think I'm pretty clever so I just googled 'clever animal' and went with the first thing I saw." To which I got the response, "You always do exactly what Google tells you?" Damn. Called out on the first day. But our little group of interns had actually fixed some problems in the webpage we were working on with Google's help, so yes...yes I do always do what Google tells me.

Of course, the second I walked out of the office it hit me. Duh, I know what my power animal is. SEAHORSE!! This is even the first charm I got for my charm bracelet: Why a seahorse, you might ask? Well first of all, Kurt Cobain's favorite animal was a seahorse. That is the reason I went with the seahorse as my first charm, to represent my love for Kurt. But after thinking it over, the seahorse represents me in many ways, too. Kurt loved the seahorse because male seahorses experience pregnancy and take care of the children. Now, I'm not saying that he wanted to be a woman and/or a pregnant man...but he loved his daughter so much that it made him have a newfound respect for seahorses. (One of the many reasons why I'm not so sure he ended his life willingly...but that's for another day.)

Excerpt from Kurt's journals:

So why does the seahorse represent me? Well, I have thrown myself into a field that is largely dominated by men. And it's not that I am going to expect my future husband to be the primary caretaker of our future children (or give birth to them!), but I will always want to be working. Also, in most of my relationships, I have taken on the typical male traits of a kind of lack of emotions, non-clingyness, etc. offense guys. And I almost always side with the guy when I'm pulled into a relationship argument. So, I'm kind of "the guy" in relationships.

Wow, that sounds a little fishy (fishy...seahorse...get it?). I'm kind of having a hard time explaining what I'm trying to say...I don't want to be a dude. Haha. Okay, enough. My power anmial is the Seahorse and that's that.