Thursday, July 29, 2010

Have You Ever Been to a Stoplight Party?

Impromptu trip to Memphis with:

Sex: Female
Orientation: Straight
Status: Available

Friend #1
Sex: Male
Orientation: Gay
Status: Available

Friend #2
Sex: Female
Orientation: Straight
Status: Taken

Friend #3
Sex: Female
Orientation: Straight
Status: Available

Destination: Senses. It was a Saturday night and Senses is a gay bar with a drag show on Saturday nights. First of all, Friend #1 would love it (and had been before). But not only that, Friend #3 could use it as research for her Multicultural Psychology class. Also, Friend #2 and myself could dance to Britney Spears without having creepy guys hit on us.

We got there a little too early, so we downed a couple drinks, ordered more, and went to sit outside. A man in a black polo (as all the Senses employees were wearing) walked up to us.

"Have you ever been to a stoplight party?"

He mistook our silence, confused expressions, and awkward mumbling to each other as deafness, so he said louder this time:

"Have you ever been to a stoplight party?"

I wanted to get snippy and say, "Clearly, guy, since we have no idea what you're talking No, we have not." But, I opted for the simple, "No."

He whipped out a package of stickers and proceeded to explain to us the meaning of this mysterious stoplight party.

Red means taken.

Yellow means it depends.

Green means available.

We need 3 greens and a yellow. Yellow for Friend #2 of course, because, taken or not...nobody wants to shut out the opportunity for free drinks.

As the time for the drag show neared, we noticed that there weren't very many queens around. A couple here and there, mixed in with a few 18 year olds, and some creepstars.

I noticed my drink was diminishing quickly, so I headed to the bar to order another. Super Creep that had been staring at me since our arrival was at the bar, so I tried not to get too close to him. The bartender was walking toward me when I heard, "Umm...hi..hey...hi."

I glanced toward him and saw that he was right next to me. "Hi," I said as I turned back to the bartender, "Sugar free Red Bull and Vodka please."

"I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm David," he I wasn't even looking his direction.

I grabbed my RBV, turned toward him and said "I'm Faye but I have to go deliver these drinks."

Whew. Got away. But not for long. I needed an emergency RED sticker. He proceeded to follow me around and stare at me all night. Is this not a gay bar? Shouldn't you be looking for dudes? At one point, he came up to me and said, "I saw you when you came in. I just wanted to talk to the prettiest girl here."

I'm still kicking myself for not responding with, "Ooh I'd like to talk to her too, where is she?"

I escaped from creepstar and found Friends 1, 2, and 3 to figure out where these drag queens were. Friend #1 asked a bartendar and this is the story we were given:

Senses usually features a drag show on Saturday nights, but a few nights prior, one of the DJs posted anti-gay signs in the bar. He was fired, but the gay crowd has been minimal ever since, therefore - no drag show, and very few gays.

Lame. Whatever, though. They're still playing good music. We danced the night away, took shots, drank martinis, spilled martinis, slipped on the olives, took more shots, avoided the creeps, laughed at the 18 year olds, requested "3" by Britney Spears, took pictures, did choreographed dances, broke dress straps, lost earrings, and more.

A summary of the rest of our night:
-In actuality: green means gay, red means straight, and yellow means in between.
-Taxi driver, Cortez, gets covered in stickers.
-$26 worth of chips and candy bars at the gas station (where the attendant, Wayne, also gets covered in stickers)
-Taken to the wrong hotel

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