Chris, honey, if you're ready for love...so am I. You don't want that bleached blond fool, ya want me. I promise.
Ali, Roberto is sexy, look at him. You said you like tall, dark, and handsome...there he is. Leave Chris alone pleeeeease.
Frank, we know Ali loves you...and we know you're about to screw it up. I'm sure the timing has a lot to do with the producers, but whatever. I just pray that it makes her doubt love and therefore NOT pick Chris.
Okay Frank, Ali's not that cute but...Nicole? She is not cute enough for you boy. But on another note, why are you telling her that you have an amazing thing with another girl? Girls don't want to hear that. Girls want to pretend that no other girls exist in your mind. Just fyi.
Date with Roberto
Well, first of all, I'm glad to see Ali finallllly got her roots touched up a little. And man, the girl loves helicopters. I bet her life is pretty plain and boring and unsatisfying without the show...especially since she's unemployed. What a catch. Roberto is precious and they're so good together. And well, since Frank is gonna leave and Chris is mine...he's also the only one left. Aww cute, they got a room together so they could have sex. Wonder if he's happy he's the first? I wonder if she thought about Frank while they were doin' it? I wonder if HE thought about Frank? Also, that was the least sexy shirt removal ever.
Date with Chris
Last week I got so unbelievably jealous watching Chris with Ali...this week I'm just going to pretend it's me he's in Tahiti with. Drinking beer on a boat...seriously my kind of date. Uh I can't pretend it's me...and I just keep staring at the huge zit on Ali's cheek. I've seriously never been more attracted to a guy on TV (maybe in real life too) than I am to Chris...and I have to watch him fall in love with dumbass Ali. I wish that Piranha 3D movie was set in Tahiti and it would really happen and they would eat Ali alive...but Chris would make it out safely, of course. Aww Ali, cute metaphor about the pearl. Shut up. Uh. Just ugghh. I can't watch. "I love this girl. I don't know how to verbalize it." Ugh that's why you're going to express it in another way. Ugh. SHE IS NOT THE ONE FOR YOU. I am. Duh. Please realize this.
So - check this text message conversation that occurred during this:
Well, I guess Roberto didn't do it for her in the sac.
She's just gotta compare I guess.
Chris Harrison is a TV Show host, not a therapist. If you ask him how to tell Ali, he's gonna tell you how to get the best ratings, not how to do this the best way for you and Ali. I just realized that I hate Frank. If Frank wasn't an idiot, he and Roberto would be the top 2. That would mean Chris would for sure not propose to Ali...and now he's probably going to. Fingers and toes crossed that she says no. Chris Harrison's advice is to tell Ali before the date. Well, duh...then ABC saves all the money it would have spent on the overly extravagant date. Okay, you gotta give props to Frank for at least being honest and not going onto the last episode. Not all guys would do that. Whatever Frank. You suck. I am, however, kind of shocked that Ali didn't pull a, "Well, I mean...we have this key to this room where we can go do it if ya want. I was really hoping for a 3 for 3 and you're kind of screwing that up."
Actually. I just changed my mind completely. Ali, PICK CHRIS. Pleeeease pick Chris. (I know this is all pre-recorded and no amount of pleading will change the outcome but whatever.) If you don't pick Chris, he's gonna become the new Bachelor and I'm gonna have to watch 25 skanky girls fight over him. I cannot do that. So please, Ali...pick Chris, and then have a public breakup because you suck. Then I can mend his heart and we can watch Roberto be the next Bachelor as we live happily ever after. God, Chris is beautiful. I can't stop staring at him. I think I might, really, have a problem.
Sweet chucks, ya poser. Also, the first thing that came to mind when I was saving this picture was Ali Sucks. So, it is alisucks.jpg - yep.