Friday, August 13, 2010

[awkward pause.]

If you've ever even stumbled upon my blog, then you probably know that I had a slight crush on Chris L. during this season of the Bachelorette. It was nothing big or anything, just a little crush. Oh, and if you're here to learn...that is today's lesson in sarcasm.

In research for my many blog posts about Chris L. and the other bachelors competing for Ali, I stumbled upon the Lambton family landscaping business website. I immediately recognized the company symbol from the cute t-shirts that he always wore.

Well...the website happened to mention that the shirts were for sale! Not only that, but a portion of the proceeds go to a charity in honor and memory of his mother. Sweetest thing ever. So, of course I wanted one. But they weren't for sale yet. I checked back every day occasionally to see if the shirts were ready for purchase.

One exciting day, I saw:

They're here!
T-shirts are now for sale in red, white, blue, and black!
A percentage of all profits goes to Compassionate Care ALS.
They're a company that helped us out and especially our mother!
Now you can rock the E. Lambton Gear too!

Why, yes, of course...I want to rock the E Lambton Gear. Thank you. Purchase now!

So, I'm realizing more and more as this post progresses how much of a creep I really am, but I also really do love donating to charity. I do! So in all honesty, I just wanted to donate some money to this great charity and I happened to get a t-shirt along with it.

I got an email that my t-shirt shipped on July 18th. July 31st rolled around and I had to be out of my apartment (I moved into a house across town) and I still hadn't gotten my t-shirt. Bummer. It had been two weeks since the supposed ship date! After I went back to the old place to look for the package a few days later, I started having my doubts.

A friend of mine had mentioned the possibility that someone might have just created this website as a way to rip off crazed Chris L. fans. I was embarrassed that I had fallen for it, upset that I wasn't really going to get a t-shirt, and pissed off that I hadn't thought of the idea first.

Well, thank God my shirt didn't come in as expected.

Because there it was, Monday, August 9th, 2010. 11:14 am CST. My phone rings.

Is this Whitney?
Um yes.
[I go by my middle name, Faye, so it always throws me off for a second.]
You ordered a shirt and it got sent back!
[said with concern]

[at this point I realize that I'm talking to someone from the Lambton family.]
Oh yeah. Yes, I did.
Can I verify the address?
Yes, of course.
Okay so I have 126 Coun--
[I interrupt.]
Actually, can I have it sent to a different address now?
Of course, of course.
Okay, it's ******.
[I say and spell out my street address. I've realized I am talking to Chris and I am stuttering.]
And it's still Oxford, MS.
So is it hot down there?
Oh, I asked if it was hot down there.
Oh yeah, definitely.
Yeah, it's actually pretty hot up here too.
[awkward pause.]
Well, thanks for ordering a shirt!
Oh yes, thank you!
You have a good day.
Oh you too.
[Hang up.]

I fell into the floor and some mixture of giggles, laughter, and tears began pouring out of my face. I had a mini panic attack. Or, I guess it was more of an excitement attack.

After the phone call, I realized all the things I could have said...all the things I should have said. I could have said something cute like, "Oh yeah it's wicked hot down here." (He says wicked a lot.) Or something serious and profound like, ...uh...well, I can't think of anything.

Or I could have said a slew of other things, including (but not limited to):

I love you.
Yeah, it's hot down here...even hotter now.
It's hot up there? Mind if I come see for myself?
Oh, I love you.
Will you hand deliver the shirt so it's certain to get here this time?
Or will you at least wear it first?
I love you.

So many things I could have said. But. I didn't. Probably because I'm not really a creeper. I talk a lot on this blog, but I wouldn't really freak out if I met him. I'd play it cool...because I am cool. Just like I was on the phone. (If stuttering and not being able to form words other than "yeah" and "okay" is cool.)

Anyone thinking, "Are you sure it was him and not one of his brothers? I'm sure they all sound pretty similar.."

To that I say...shut up, please. And let me have this. Just let me have it.

Also, the main reason I am convinced it was Chris was not because I think I'd recognize his voice, but because I have a feeling this is how it went down...

Father and/or brother. "Chris, we just got a shirt back that was ordered by a girl in Mississippi. A girl in Mississippi ordered this shirt from our Landscaping company in Massachusetts. That's alllll you. You gotta call her."


  1. You are a fantastic writer !!!! I don't like to read but if you ever wrote a book I believe I would have to buy it and READ.....SO PROUD OF YOU GIRL :) GLENDA

  2. That was SO Chris on the phone...and you know it! You lucky dog, you! I bet you ordered a black one :)

  3. That is so great. What fun. He will laugh.
    Great blog..all women can totally relate to you talking to wicked hot guy on the phone!

  4. This is so cute and I love it. Chris tweeted he loved it too. lol Do you wear your teeshirt everyday. You are so talented, great job!
    Patti :)

  5. Glenda - thank you! one day i will.

    Catherine - it was him. he seems like such a nice guy. and i got BLUE. i'm not goth :)

    Patti - thanks! i saw chris' tweets. he seems great! i just got the shirt thursday when i got home from work, but i wore it on the river this morning haha. they're too cute. i want another.

  6. OMG!!!! I love ur blog, i have been reading all posts regarding chris L and they are so funny....

  7. So, it's totally delayed reaction but I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog. It's seriously great. You had me cracking up the entire time...probably because you sound like my long lost twin (with the exception of the writing are a FANTASTIC writer!!)

    Thanks for being so entertaining! I love it!


    PS. I'm sure it was Chris that called you! That's awesome!! WOOHOO!!

  8. Holy Hell. That is the absolute funniest blog post I have ever read...Honestly, I read it because I have, well HAD, a slight crush on Chris L, too. Now, I am certain that I will be reading your blogs regularly. Go on with your bad self!!!
    P.S. I have spent many days in Oxford- but as a Tiger's fan :-)

  9. oh my gosh you are too funny. i'm so glad you guest blogged for kai!!

    p.s. i didn't scroll through ALL of your posts to get to this one. i'm not that creepy...i clicked on the link from one of your second page posts hahah

  10. I seriously laughed out loud at this whole post and I too and slightly obsessed with Chris! And now I feel like a creeper for commenting on a post that is so old!