Oh, baby, won't you cry? Show me there's some tears behind your eyes.

Let me let you in on a little secret. A little privileged information, ya know?
Something I don't really tell a lot of people.
Sometimes when I get a little upset, I cry.
Yeah, so. So what.
What's the big deal?
It's not a big deal; it's normal. People cry all the time.


But I guess the significance for my crying is that I cry when I get a little upset. If I'm a lot upset, it's a different story. I'm numb. I'm broken, blank, checked out.
Gone.

When I'm really upset, I can sit still for hours without a thought even passing through my brain. I know a few of my friends are jealous of that. When most people are upset, they wish they could get their minds off of it, like I seem to be able to. But this wall my mind puts up isn't always fun. Sometimes I want to think about it. I want to cry, work through it, and get over it. But I can't. It's just there...but it's not there. I'm just there, with nothing.

I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

So, when something really gets to me, I know it because I don't cry. I don't think. I just sit. Don't be jealous. It's not that great.


In related news: Listen to this song.

Nothing could be worse than numb, so please...use me up.

Ludo

Definitely a favorite band. They're so weird...and to me, weird means awesome. I mean, for one, their name comes from one of the best movies ever. Other than that, they're so quirky and catchy and I just love them.










This album is definitely in my top 15 favorite albums of all time. It's one of those that I can listen to the whole way through without getting tired of it. If you don't know it, get it. Listen to it. Love it.







And check out this video. Clever, right? Clever is my favorite.

I May Be Sassy But I Am Not Girly

While thinking up the contents for this blog, I came to a scary conclusion
(that my friend Trinity will probably disagree with, yet enjoy).

I'm really not anti-girly. I wouldn't call myself girly in the least bit...but I'm not not girly.

I guess unless you know me, it's hard to understand. And that's just how I like it.

Here are just a few common girly stereotypes that make me not girly.

A girl's favorite movie:

My favorite movie:

A girl's lip moisturizer:

My lip moisturizer:

A girl's favorite music:
current catchy tunes

My favorite music:
90s grunge

A girl's drink of choice:

My drink of choice:

A girl's favorite magazine:

My favorite magazine:

A girl's favorite TV show:

My favorite TV show:

A girl's "shoes to die for":

My "shoes to die for":

A girl's celebrity dream man:

My celebrity dream man:


So, on the surface, I'm not girly.

I, however, love:

weddings

dresses

rom coms

pearls

manis and pedis

and

love



So, believe it or not, I do have some girly in me. It just doesn't reach the surface that often.

Guys Acting Like Girls [That Are Not Me]

Do guys think all girls act like that? More importantly, do all girls act like that? Or, well...should we?

A lot of girls use the "I'm not like other girls" line. But you are. You are; I'm not.

Watching that video, I can't pick out one stereotype that applies to me. So, if guys don't like girls that act like that (hence why they are making fun of them), I'm every man's dream...right?

Ah, quite the contrary.

Girls act like that because guys eat that shit up. They love it. They might pretend they don't in front of their friends -- but they do.

So, maybe my problem is that I'm not girly...I don't act like that.

Maybe I'll give it a try? I did have a friend tell me I should strive to act like the guys in this video.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm no. I really don't think I can. Girly is just not for me.

Heavier than Heaven -- finally a movie?

It's actually a really good read, even if you're not a huge fan (like me). But...I found mistakes in the book (as I always do), and not just grammatical and structural errors...fact errors. I know I'm not the expert on all things Kurt Cobain -- but there were mistakes.

But anyway. They've supposedly been in talks about turning this book into a movie for years. (Courtney wants it made...which I don't like. I don't want her to have control of anything...not a fan.)



The latest rumor is that Robert Pattinson will play Kurt. I do not like this. I love Rob...I'm a Twilight fan (not a crazed one, but I really enjoyed the books and I watched the movies). Rob is great, he's cute...and he has a great voice. (Listen here.) But he doesn't have the voice. (Nobody does.) And...he doesn't have the look. He doesn't have the piercing blue eyes (I know, I know...computers and contacts and everything you can think of are here to fix that...but still.) I'm just not a fan of this.









Then we have Courtney Love...she wants Scarlett Johansson to play her. Really? Okay, maybe I could see it if Scarlett picks up a heroin habit and rolls around in dirt and doesn't shower for a year. I could see it then...definitely. So, Scarlett...playing Courtney Love I'm sure is the chance of a lifetime! So get on that heroin and make this happen!





Okay, so. If I can give my opinion on the actor best fit to play Kurt...I'm gonna go with Jared Leto. He has the look, he has an amazing voice. (Duh.) He's my number 1 choice. Probably my only choice, actually.



I'm actually hoping they don't turn this into a movie...but if they do, I hope they can sign on good actors.

16 Years Ago Today...

I remember it like it was yesterday...

April 8, 1994 was a Friday afternoon. A rambunctious first grader ready for the weekend, I ran for the front door, racing my sister from the school bus. Entering the house, I heard the vacuum stop roaring in the next room as my mom entered the doorway of the living room.

"Why's the fold out couch pulled out?" I asked as I plopped down on it, dropping my backpack onto the floor. (Normally, I would have gotten yelled at for leaving my backpack there but mom didn't seem mad.)

She knelt in front of me and handed me the remote control. "Turn on the TV...MTV."

I thought, "Duh mom. I do that every day."

I turned on the TV to this:




What?!?!?! What? Really?

Devastation. Tears. Misery.

As a 6 year old, I had already lost my dad, my grandmother, and a puppy. This was just too much for me. Pretty sure I cried for hours days weeks ever.


So yes, I was in love with Kurt Cobain by age 4...and I was heartbroken when he died. My first love and my first heartbreak.

Yeah does that help explain my personality?



Miss you, Kurt.

---

This was in the DM today!

It's that time again...

31 days from today, I will be in an outfit similar to that one...headed to a ceremony similar to where I was that day in May of 2006.



When I graduated from SPHS 4 years ago, I walked across to receive my diploma with 93 of my classmates. I knew everyone and everyone knew me. I was elected into the hall of fame and I knew exactly where I was headed...to Ole Miss.



Now, it is almost time to graduate from Ole Miss, with thousands of people. I know a few hundred, but that's a small fraction of the whole. My name won't be left behind (unless you venture into the basement of the Business School where they keep us MIS nerds) and I have absolutely no idea what the future holds for me.



I am unable to make any small future plans because my future is completely open. I literally have no idea where I will be 4 months from today (but I know it won't be in my current residence because that's when my lease expires!). I don't even know where I'll be on May 9th. (Probs recovering from the May 8th graduation celebration...by watching Betty White's SNL on the DVR, so okay...I know where I'll be May 9th, but not May 10th and on.)



I have a couple options, but I want different ones/more to choose from.



So, please, keep me and my future in your prayers. We both need guidance.

---

And on the note of the future, graduation, growing up, etc. - - after today, there will be a new look to my blog.



Not your typical sorority girl? Well, it's true for another month but then I won't be a sorority girl at all...typical or not. And though I think this picture is totally awesome, a month from now, I won't be in college anymore...so it's time to get rid of the Animal House poster.


But don't worry, I'm not about to go all business suit on you. I'm not grown up yet....just on my way there.

Tuesday Shoesday...Bluesday?

Jessica Simpson is the devil. Or, at least, her shoes (and music) are evil....

September 4, 2009...Britney Spears concert in Atlanta...my only souvenir was this:


thanks to these:


Thanks a lot Jess.

April 1, 2010...I tried them out again.



Girl...your shoes are evil.


But at least they make my legs look good. Well...while I'm wearing them. Obviously not the next day...and the weeks following.






FAIL:

April 5 - The Day Seattle Died

April 5th was the day Seattle died....

In 1994, Kurt Cobain died. In 2002, Layne Staley. Two of Seattle's best musicians, gone on this same, chilling (and very depressing for me) day.

This song by Cold, a dedication to the two, gives me chills every time I hear it. Especially today.




Kurt Cobain
February 20, 1967 - April 5, 1994



Layne Staley
August 22, 1967 - April 5, 2002




Oh and yeah, I cried when I was writing this.....shut up.