Monday, April 30, 2012

Fifty Shades of Apologies

I really feel the need to apologize to Ms. Anonymous. Of course, she's always right about everything...don't you know? [Read my original post here.]

I'm so sorry! It MUST be the best book EVER since YOU say so! What was I thinking for putting it down? Especially since you have such extensive literary knowledge as your second favorite book is the Twilight Series. (Masterpiece, I tell ya.)


I read 120 pages. I gave it a shot. I didn't love it. I put it down. I'm not judging you for reading poorly written porn, so don't judge me for not.

And, Ms. Anonymous, I don't need help exploring my own sexuality. I know what I like and I know what I don't like.

I don't like dirty talk. It weirds me out. If you have to ask me if I like it...then I probably don't. I also don't like whips and chains (I'm guessing) or anything like that. Like choking, for example. (That may have happened once.) 

But that doesn't make me a prude. Because even more than that, I DON'T like cuddling and I don't like listening to Coldplay - "Sparks" on repeat. (That definitely happened once.)

To each his own. And fifty shades just isn't for me.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Discrimination in the Workplace

I'm not a feminist. I actually think feminists are sexist. And most of the time someone is calling someone racist...I believe they're the ones being racist.

Basically, I don't discriminate. And I don't like discrimination.

I've been working in the same office for nearly 6 years (damn, I need to get out of here) and I've never seen discrimination. Until the other day.

One of our associates travels around to give lectures. She hires an outside entity to record and digitize these lectures. But we could easily do that within our department. It would just involve one of our staff members traveling along with her.

"Oh, that's fine! Faye's not married she'll do it. She should have weekends free, no problem."

Excuse me?

I'm being discriminated against for being single?

Regardless. My being single means I usually DON'T have weekends free. You know, since I'm trying to not be single anymore.

Plus, my coworker isn't married either. He just lives with his girlfriend. So, he gets a pass for shacking up? I shack on weekends, too...sometimes. (Just kidding, mom.)

Anyway. Whatever. I'm totally gonna do it. Extra money? Yes please.


But don't volunteer me just because I'm single.

That is all.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Somebody That I Used To Know

Now that Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know" has taken the world by storm with endless covers...

Walk off the Earth (5 people + 1 guitar) - where I first heard the song
Glee - the version that puts a little too much sexual tension into a scene with 2 brothers
American Idol - the best version - performed by Phillip Phillips & the girl who took too much camera time away from Phillip Phillips...

I feel like a goober for writing this post about how relatable it is. But it is!

Recently, I had a (very short lived and not at all romantic) romance. I'd had a crush on the boy for quite some time before we first hung out. To my surprise, he surpassed the expectations my lengthy crush had built up. But the way things progressed (or...didn't progress) wasn't exactly what I had hoped for.

"Told myself that you were right for me,
but felt so lonely in your company."

After a couple weeks of seeing each other pretty regularly, our time together became few and far between. We would make plans and then he'd have (what seemed to be) a legitimate excuse to cancel every time. I was hurt a few times...and that feeling was welcomed. I haven't liked anyone in a long time, so even the feeling of being hurt was one I'd missed. It was a nice reminder of how love (or in this case, "like") affects your emotions on all ends.

"You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness."

But it was all so confusing because we still talked a lot...we just didn't hang out. So, with every conversation...every word, came feelings of frustration. Why weren't we seeing each other more? Why were we talking so much? What did he want, exactly? What were his thoughts?

"But I don't want to live that way,
reading into every word you say."

And then it just stopped. All of it.

"But you didn't have to cut me off.
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing."
Except that's exactly what I would prefer. (Well, I would prefer that this had taken an entirely different route)...but in the case of an ending, I much prefer a fizzling out as opposed to a blow-to-my-ego "I'm just not that into you" conversation.

"I guess that I don't need that though.
Now you're just somebody that I used to know." 

Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye on Grooveshark

Friday, April 20, 2012

Friday's Letters


Dear Crawfish,
Thank you for being so yummy. And for being best friends with potatoes and corn and beer. But sometimes you're too spicy. My lips might still be tingling.
I want more of you,
The fastest crawfish peeler around

Dear Second Favorite Bartender,
Thank you for turning one of the TVs in the sports bar to American Idol so that we could watch the results show. (Even though you looked at me funny and told me you couldn't turn on the sound.)
Sorry you're not first,
The girl who tips too much

Dear Jennifer Lopez,
I was very upset with you last week when you saved the boring girl with the powerful (but BORING) voice but I didn't really care because I assumed your little stunt would bite you in that big ass of yours when she got sent home this week. But that didn't work out how I expected. And now one of my favorites is gone.
I'm really mad at you,
Someone who is really mad at you

Dear American Idol voters,
I'm extremely upset with you. I had Colton picked as this seasons' winner (with Phillip and Skylar joining him in the top 3). When I saw (because I couldn't hear) that Colton was going home, my mouth dropped open. I looked like a cartoon when their mouth opens wide and then someone pulls it and it rolls up. Anyway. Seriously? Colton? Voters must have gotten comfortable and assumed he'd be safe. Never get comfortable!
I still can't believe it,
Woman with a schoolgirl crush on Colton

Dear Google Images,
I just searched on you for a .gif of the above stated cartoon. I know it happened to Genie once. But I can't find it anywhere.
You're useless,
Not a good googler

Dear Rebs,
I'm ready for you this weekend. SEC baseball. You better deliver.
Let's sweep those hogs,
A loyal (and frustrated) fan

Dear Lovely Readers,
I hope you all have a great weekend! Eat some crawfish and you will.
It's finally friday,
Weekend lover.

Over and out.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Beach, Brides, Booze...and Penis Straws.

This past weekend, we celebrated Lindsay with a little Bachelorette getaway.

We spent the weekend beaching it up in Orange Beach, Alabama.

Friday night, we showered Lindsay with frilly lingerie while drinking out of penis straws. 
(I guess I really am a prude because I was highly uncomfortable with the straws. Until after my third drink.)

After a full day on the beach, we had dinner and experienced a bar called "The Flora-Bama". It was an experience, that's for sure. And one that I've marked off my life list and have no need to ever experience it again.

 Overall, it was a great weekend with great friends. 
(And great weather...and now I have a great tan.)

Lindsay gets married in less than 3 months and I absolutely cannot wait!

Plus, two of these other ladies get married the month before her.

Wedding season is my second favorite season. Football is #1.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Friday Confessions


I'm on the beach right now.

Yep, I'm on vacation for this lovely lady's bachelorette weekend.

I plan to consume lots of alcohol. (Responsibly, of course.)


I seriously* believe messing up the flow of traffic at a four-way stop should be punishable by death.


There was a situation in my life recently that didn't pan out quite how I had hoped. I'm upset that I'm not as upset as I feel I should be. I was hoping to discover that I am, in fact, a real human girl with real human girl feelings. Maybe I'm not.

When I get back from this beach trip, I plan to forgo shaving my legs for at least two weeks.


This isn't really a confession, but this conversation happened.

Sister: Ah! This book just used my favorite word!
Me: Which is?
Sister: Batshit.
Me: Batshit is your favorite word?
Sister. Well, one of em. What's your favorite word?
Me: Of all time?
Sister: Yes.
Me: Balls.

*Not really. But seriously.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My "boyfriend deadline" is fast approaching.

Sometime last year, Sister's boyfriend won a weekend trip for four to Myrtle Beach. As I am their staple third wheel, I assumed I would be one of the four. Not exactly. 

Who wants to waste a potentially romantic beach trip with a tag-along around? I know, I get it.

So - the deal was - if I could supply person #4, I could go. And by "person #4", they totally meant boyfriend. A romantic trip for two...times two. Much better than a trip for two...and another one.

Well, that trip is in two weeks. So, on that note. Who wants to pretend to be my boyfriend for a free beach trip?

Or girlfriend... I mean, we all had that one spring break, didn't we? Just me?* Whatever. 

**Or am I?

Monday, April 9, 2012

Fifty Shades of Gross

I never knew I was a prude until I was introduced to Mr. Christian Grey.

Have you heard of this new trilogy* taking the literary world by storm?

Fifty Shades of Grey has been recommended to me by multiple people, including my sister. I started it last night. I also stopped it last night. Not finished. Stopped.

I got to page 120 and put it down. I wasn't even at the end of a chapter. I simply could not read any further.

I'm surprised I got that far. Although I have always been drawn to the "bad boy" type, Christian Grey is too much for me.

(However, if it becomes a movie** and this guy plays Christian Grey...I might check it out.)

 Have you read it? Am I just being a prude? Does it get better? Should I pick it back up?

*who's going to end this trend and write a 4-book series?
**and not one that comes on Cinemax after hours.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Day Seattle Died (again)

Well damn. I was trying to be lazy today and just do a repost of last year's April 5th. But, since all 3 videos have been removed...I guess I'll do this again.

April 5, 2012.

April 5, the day Seattle died.

Two music legends. Two of my favorites ever. Two of the best. Both from Seattle. Both dead on the same day.

Kurt Cobain
February 20, 1967 - April 5, 1994

Layne Staley
August 22, 1967 - April 5, 2002

Cold - "The Day Seattle Died" 

Turn all the lights down low
Trying to fade your apathy
Made up a world where you can’t even be you
Star in a tragedy
Shattered voice on an open chord
they line up around the world just to hear you scream

Blown away by fame
We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor
Never mind in faith
If you can't believe

Drowning in misery
The nightmare began when you closed the door
You sat in your angry chair and just tried to be you
The needle became your queen
The drug had become your enemy
And music was just a way for you to bleed

Blown away by fame
We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor
Never mind in faith
If you can't believe

Blown away by fame
We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor
Never mind in faith
If you can't believe
and you won't believe
and he can't believe

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

There is only one Tree Hill.

Tonight, ladies and gents, is a moment I've been waiting for/dreading since 2004. One Tree Hill ends. Tonight. It's all over.

I grew up with this show. We were all in high school when it started. And now, 9 seasons later, we're "grownups" just trying to make sense of it all.

Times sure have changed.

After tonight's 2 hour finale, don't be surprised if I dig up my old DVDs and start back over with season 1. And if you've never seen it, you should do the same.