Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Bachelor: Week 1

50 Shades of Sean

Last night, I watched intently as the SEC's Alabama Crimson Tide devoured the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

But don't worry, this morning, I caught up on the first episode of The Bachelor 374 starring Emily's leftovers, Sean. I don't normally eat leftovers, but I'd have seconds of that dish.

Just the "this season on.." promo made me regret my choice to watch another season of this show. But, even though I much prefer the Bachelorette to the Bachelor*, I'm doing this.

*25 shirtless meatheads > 25 catty bitches.

Okay, so here we go. Cue recap of last season. I'm actually sad for Sean. Not because Emily broke his heart, but because I think he's a genuinely great guy and ABC is gonna throw a bunch of crazies his way for rating purposes. And as I say at the beginning of every season -- why didn't I apply?

see the real contestants' cheat sheets here
and please don't be jealous of my Photoshop Microsoft Paint skills

Sean & Arie have a bromantical conversation that includes how to break up with a girl and the best way to kiss. It reminds me how cute Sean is and how much I hated Arie.

As always, we get a glimpse into some of the girls' lives. There's a bridal stylist who probably cries into the wedding gowns at the end of the day, the typical single mom, and this year we have someone who was adopted. And the models. You can't forget the models.

And then the limos arrive...along with the awws and the attitudes.

The girls are a lot prettier than their promo shots. Especially Jackie. But they're just as awkward as I expected. Especially Robyn.

Sean changed the rules and gave Tierra an actual first impression rose minutes after she stepped out of the limo. Surprisingly, the other girls weren't thrilled. 

And, of course, the 26th Bachelorette. Kacie B. None of the girls think it's fair...now. When they get sent home and want to meet Bachelor X next season, they'll be thinking differently. Once a Bachelorette, always a Bachelorette. Again, why didn't I sign up?

Desiree gets another first impression rose. Or does that make it a second impression rose?

And as AshLee gets the third impression rose, the girls freak. But the roses keep coming. To Selma, to Robyn, Katie, Catherine, and Jackie. 

Lindsay is drunk and in a wedding gown. And in typical Bachelor fashion, she isn't even the drunkest. Ashley P. is...and is working a 50 Shades of Grey theme. She makes me glad that I never got into those books. We also have a cryer. No surprise there.

More conversations and another rose to Sarah. And apparently 3 other girls that I've missed. Brooke, Diana, and Leslie.

Just as I thought Sean would be sporadically handing out roses until they were gone, Chris Harrison clink clinks his glass and announces that it's time for the Rose Ceremony.

Sean gives roses to Amanda, Lesley M, Kacie, Kristy, Daniella, Taryn, and Lindsay.

Ashley H, Ashley P, Kelly, Keriann, Lauren, and Paige were sent packin'. 

Who's your favorite? Who's your favorite to hate? And who do you think Sean will keep around next week?

Please, no spoilers.

all stills and images via ABC


  1. I could not stop laughing at the 50 Shades girl...her dance moves, face planting, and her apology to her mom at the end. Over. Served.

    I think I like Kacie B the best...I loveddd her dress. I hate when they wear over the top ball gowns.

    And I cant believe he gave a rose to the wedding dress chick...she is wacky. I thought the dress and "first dance" would scare him away.

    Until next week!

  2. Oh the 50 Shades girl. What in the world. It's not rocket science why she's still single... I don't see why contestants shouldn't be allowed to come back as contestants since they're already allowed to come back as the Bachelor/ette. Oh, and the chat with Arie was painful-- I hate that guy.