Wednesday, December 9, 2015

It's Judgment Day


This. Is. Happening. I'm taking it back to my roots as a blogger and going all out for this season of the Bachelor. Mostly because I am seriously disappointed in myself for not applying. Ya know, Chris L. was cute and funny and I met him and he was wicked nice and all, but...Ben. Ben is perfect. And I'm pretty sure we would fall in love and have all of the babies if we ever met. But instead, I'll weep into my bottle of wine every Monday night as I watch him date these 28 bimbos I mean ladies.

Amanda is pretty. But she's 25 and gets botox. She's a single mom & works as an esthetician. There's always one of these and she's usually a little crazy. I'm lookin' at you, Michelle Money.*

We already know Amber from Bachelor in Paradise and what little we saw of her on Chris' season. She's a 30 year old bartender from Chicago. Meh.

Another repeat offender, Becca, from Chris' season. On paper, she's probably perfect for Ben. But I thought she was a little bland. Hopefully she'll open up more to Ben than she did to Chris. Except not because I still want to marry him. Oh and I wonder how many times we're gonna hear about her being a virgin? I'd put the over/under at 10 per episode and I'll pick the over every time.

Breanne is 30, lives in Seattle, and is trying really hard to be a feminist.

Caila is adorable, but a little too cutesy for me. She's a software sales rep (like Ben) and is 24.

Okay. The twins. Their listed occupation...is twin. Are you kidding me? This show. My goodness. Anyway. The twins are Emily and Haley and I hope they're more interesting than their bios. I also hope they go home the same week because I have a sister and sibling rivalry is a big deal.

Izzy is a 24 year old graphic designer and is super cute and seems kinda normal. But she doesn't like to read and mentioned 50 Shades of Grey, so...next!

23 year old Jackie seems sweet. I honestly can't find a fault in her bio. She's a gerontologist, which means she works with old people and I love old people.

Jami is a 23 and works as a bartender. Which hopefully means she's in school. Seriously, girls. Get real jobs.

Well, well. Jennifer is a small business owner at the age of 25. Go, Jennifer! Unless that means she sells Rodan+Fields on Facebook. Then, no.

Jessica is 23, an accountant, and might be one of my early favorites. The bios always fool you, though.

24 year old real estate developer from Texas, JoJo, is adorable and wants to have lunch with Jesus.

Jubilee is gorgeous and a war veteran. She's 24.

Lace is a 25 year old real estate agent who apparently doesn't flush the toilet when she poops.

Laura is a cute little 24 year old ginger "account executive" from Kentucky.

Lauren "LB" is a fashion buyer from Oklahoma and is 23. She seems normal.

Then we have Lauren B. who is a 25 year old flight attendant and loves love.

Lauren H. is a kindergarten teacher in Michigan. She's 25 and is dyyyyying to get married, like, ASAP.

Lauren R. (seriously? you need that many Laurens?) is a 26 year old math teacher and looks like Kat Dennings.

Leah is 25, wants to be a mermaid, and twerked during her Bachelor interview. Gross.

And we have a cowgirl. Maegan is 30, lives in Texas, listens to Red Dirt Country music, and likes to BBQ and drink beers. (I like it.)

Mandi is a 28 year old dentist who might be a bitch. She referred to herself as "opinionated" which we all know means bitch. I'm opinionated, too, girl.

Olivia is a news anchor and she looks like a news anchor. She likes alternative music and flannel, but she's 23 so she's probably a new fan of the 90s.

Rachel is 23 and unemployed.

26 year old Samantha is an attorney in Florida. Lots of ladies from Florida.

Shushanna is a mathematician. She's 27.

And lastly, we have a girl whose name is Tiara, prefers "medium weather", enjoys being the center of attention, and is a chicken enthusiast. Seriously? She's 26.


No one really jumped out at me. Probably because I don't think any of them will be good enough for Ben. Because they're not me. But. If I had to choose 5 to keep my eye on, it would be Becca, Izzy, Jessica, JoJo, and Olivia.





All images are from ABC - The Bachelor.

*I actually love Michelle Money, but she definitely brought her fair share of drama when she was on Brad's season.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

December Goals

In 2015, I had planned on setting monthly goals that all followed the same 3 themes.


I stopped setting goals after a few months and now the year is almost over. It was a strange year for me. I won't just chalk it up to a loss because I learned a lot. And now I have one last month to get some shit done.

Get Fit: I had planned to really get into a workout routine this year. Not just to get fit, but also to clear my mind. It didn't happen. But it wasn't a total loss. Although I did gain 11 pounds during my sister's pregnancy (sympathy symptoms), I lost a few of them.

December Goal: Just work out. Not every day, but at least a few times a week. I can do it. Plus, I'm going to a wedding...on New Year's Eve...where an ex will be in attendance. I need to look hot.


Stress Less: This year was full of stress. FULL.

December Goal: Take a vacation from work. Our holiday leave is the last two weeks of the month, but I'm taking an extra week before that. I usually take a week in the Fall, but never got the chance, so I'll be taking it this month.


Learn More: I did learn quite a bit this year. Not only about myself, but I also took a class and learned how to make Android apps.

December Goal: Get an A out of the class. In the next two weeks, I have a test, a project due, and a final. I currently have an A...just gotta keep it that way.


My current goal for 2016 is to actually set and follow goals.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Music Challenge

I've attempted to do this 30 Day Song Challenge before, but never made it to day 30. So, I'm completing it now with just the first song that pops into my head for each. Playlist below!

your favorite song: "Black Hole Sun" - Soundgarden
your least favorite song: "Comfortable" - John Mayer

a song that...
makes you happy: "Live and Die" - The Avett Brothers
makes you sad: "O' Sister" - City and Colour
reminds you of someone: "Buy me a Boat" - Chris Janson
reminds you of somewhere: "Fans" - Kings of Leon
reminds you of a certain event: "Chain Hang Low" - Jibbs
you know all the words to: "Rap God" - Eminem
you can dance to: "Oops!... I Did It Again" - Britney Spears
makes you fall asleep: "Such Great Heights (cover)" - Iron & Wine
is from your favorite band: "Serve the Servants" - Nirvana
is from a band you hate: "Beautiful Day" - U2
is a guilty pleasure: "Lean On" - Major Lazer feat. MØ & DJ Snake
no one would expect you to love: "Strip it Down" - Luke Bryan
describes you: "The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most" - Dashboard Confessional
you used to love but now hate: "Picture" - Kid Rock feat. Sheryl Crow
you hear often on the radio: "Can't Feel my Face" - The Weeknd
you wish you heard on the radio: "Hard Times" - The Wild Feathers
is from your favorite album: "All I Really Want" - Alanis Morissette
you listen to when you're angry: "The Red" - Chevelle
you listen to when you're happy: "Diane Young" - Vampire Weekend
you listen to when you're sad: "Use Me Up" - Hanson
you want to play at your wedding: "Love is my Religion (cover)" - Franky Perez, The Forest Rangers
you want to play at your funeral: "Say Goodnight" - Beth Nielsen Chapman
makes you laugh: "Song for the Dumped" - Ben Folds Five
you can play on an instrument: "I Love You Always Forever" - Donna Lewis
you wish you could play: "Schism" - Tool*
makes you feel guilty: "She" - Tyler, The Creator feat. Frank Ocean
is from your childhood: "If I Only Had a Brain" - MC 900 Ft. Jesus

your favorite song this time last year: "Harder Than Stone" - City and Colour


*not on Spotify


Monday, November 9, 2015

The Spiral

One of the biggest things that came from my most recent relationship (and subsequent breakup) was a mountain of insecurities. I've always faked confidence really well, but I was so beat down in this relationship, I couldn't do it anymore.

Everything was my fault, always. I was too critical. I was too mean. I was too fat. I was too negative. It was too much for me and I started to believe it all.

Following the breakup, it was even worse. "You know everyone thinks you're overwhelming and pushy and that I could do better." Well, ok, yes, I am overwhelming and pushy and I think we could both do better because we just aren't a good fit for each other...but hearing it stung a little bit.

I'm full of myself. I just don't know what love is. I'll never be happy because I push everyone away.

The past few weeks, I've been really down about it all. I've been going out a little too much, which then just makes me feel more insecure/ashamed. It's time to escape the Spiral.

I need to find a better outlet. Maybe it will be this blog. Maybe it will be working out (and not because he thinks I'm too fat). Maybe it will be something else. But it's time to really move on and start my life again.

Monday, October 19, 2015

NYC

A couple weeks ago, I traveled to NYC to visit my college roomie. She's lived there for a few years and I always talked about going to see her, but never did it. One day, she mentioned a visit and I immediately booked a ticket so there was no turning back. If you know me, I am not very spontaneous, so this was big.

I had no touristy expectations for my trip. I just wanted to hang out with my friend, eat really good food, drink really good drinks, and watch the Ole Miss game somewhere.

"NYC, here I come!"

I got off the plane (in Newark) and managed to figure out how to ride the train to NY Penn Station. When I arrived, it was pouring rain and the taxi line was 100 people long and so I just started walking. After half a mile of hauling my luggage in the rain, I dipped into a Starbucks and waited on Holls to come rescue me.


We took the subway back to her apartment, got cleaned up, and went out (this time with an umbrella) for dinner and drinks. Out first stop was a cozy little place called Analogue for cocktails, then Claudette for dinner. After dinner we hopped between a few bars near her apartment.

Saturday, we had brunch at Tartine and then went shopping. After a long, hard day of walking and shopping, we stopped for much deserved drinks at Spring Lounge and to watch a little SEC football. Then it was off to the Ole Miss bar, Tavern on Third, for apps and beers and the game.

"We may not win every game...but we ain't never lost a party."
Sunday, we had brunch at the cutest little place called Bar Sardine, and I had the best bloody mary of my life. Then it was tourist time. We took the subway to Times Square. It was overwhelming and I understand why only tourists want to go there, but I'm glad I saw it. We grabbed a coffee, walked to Central Park, and had a nice stroll. It was breathtakingly beautiful.


After Central Park, we went by Gramercy Park. Serious bucket list item there. And I mean to actually be on the inside.


We walked around for a while more and then it was time for me to go. I loved visiting Holly & the city and cannot wait to go back (with more comfortable shoes next time)!



Clockwise from top left: I survived my first NYC cab ride; The Bar Sardine Green (Bay) Bloody Mary. Tomatillo, Cucumber, House Serrano Hot Sauce with dill infused vodka; Holls might have a sugar daddy and he might have sent us a $500 bottle of wine to dinner; I matched with Joey Fatone on Bumble. Poor guy. Is this what it has come to?




Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Easy is easy.

Life can be too easy, don't you think? I mean, you can order pizza with an emoji now! But wouldn't it be so much more rewarding to eat a home cooked meal that you've prepared? (Okay, so maybe pizza would be my pick more often than not, but that's not the point I'm trying to make here.)


I am currently taking classes and prepping to get my MBA. It's not easy, but it will be worth it. I would be wasting a great opportunity if I took the easy way out and didn't continue to further my education.

Easy is easy. But it's not worthwhile.

It would be so easy for me to say "OK" and be in a relationship again. It's hard to say no, no matter what problems we had. The easy thing would be to say yes, get back together, get married, and live life wondering "what if". The hard choice is to start over. To have to date again (seriously, ugh). To have to be vulnerable and open myself up to someone else. But it is the more rewarding choice. It will be when I find that person that makes "yes" easy and worthwhile.

Don't take the easy route. It will get you nowhere. Except when it comes to the pizza emoji thing. You should definitely do that every now and then.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

September

First of all, this year is flying by. But I am not letting it pass me by. It's time for me to stop and smell the roses. Over the past year, more often than not, I have been in a negative place. I am breaking free of that, starting today. My goal for this month is to live life and enjoy it.

Unfortunately, I do have responsibilities so I can't go trekking off to Europe or spend the last few weeks of summer soaking up the sun, but I can enjoy my time a little more. One of my responsibilities is that I'm taking a class this semester. As a University staff member, I get to take 2 classes for free each semester. This semester, I'm learning how to build mobile apps. Even though there will be tests and homework, it's an amazing opportunity that I should enjoy. And I will. I also have my 8-5 desk job. But I love it. I get to interact with all different types of people and I get to make color coded lists (we all know that's my favorite thing).

More specifically, I plan to get up earlier and do things before work. Whether that be go for a walk, watch a tv show, do a load of laundry, or just sit and relax...I want to get a good start to my day every day.


Do you have a theme or goal for September? How do you plan to accomplish it?

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Bachelorette Slumber Parties

I'll skip the summary of the overnight dates, how perfect Ben is, how stupid Kaitlyn is for sending him home, and how awful Nick and Shawn are and just go into my opinion of why it all happened.


Women (myself and Kaitlyn included) confuse drama with passion. So Kaitlyn sees the tension between Nick and Shawn and how jealous they are of each other and feels "desired". She sees the arguments and feels heat...the good kind of heat. I have learned the hard way...drama is not passion. Ben didn't come with any drama. Now, that's not to say there wouldn't be any in the future because this is real life, but if there's drama so early in a relationship, it's probably not going to last. I think she saw how sweet and positive Ben was and doubted that it was real, because she's not used to that. Most women aren't. We all need to realize that we do deserve the Ben H's of the world. Because it's safe to say that there aren't very many. So, I guess I need to get my application ready. Here's what my bio would look like.


Faye
Age: 27
Occupation: Technology Coordinator at a University
Hometown: Oxford, MS
Height: 5'1"
Tattoos: Three
All-time favorite movies: The Breakfast Club, Life as a House, Field of Dreams
Biggest date fear: Honestly, being nervous & drinking too much.

What does being married mean to you?
Sacrifice and commitment. Finding a balance with the person you have chosen and living a life together.

Describe your idea of the ultimate date.
A picnic under the stars. 
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be?
Ben H. No, I would have to pick the Avett Brothers. Their music speaks to me and I just want to hug them and tell them thank you.

If you could be any superhero, which one would you be?
Batman. He doesn't have any fake super powers. He has gadgets and wit and gets his shit done.



On another note, I wrote a blog post about Chris L's departure on the Bachelorette in August 2010 where I said I was definitely going to apply. I didn't apply. He didn't become the Bachelor. And two months later, we were having dinner together in Boston. I need my second chance with Ben H.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

So…who should be the next Bachelor?

Last week, we left off with the sobfest that was Cupcake Chris, the Dentist, after Kaitlyn left him stranded on the edge of a cliff. With that, 5 contenders remain.

Perfect Ben H, Just Friends Jared, Country Boy Joe, Douchebag Nick, and Johnny Bravo, er…Shawn.
Quick recap: Perfect one on one with Perfect Ben. Group date with Joe, Nick, & Shawn. Even though I don't really consider Kentucky "the South", it is "country" and Country Boy Joe told Kaitlyn in his deepest hick accent, "I'm in love with you baby". Could he really not see that she wasn't feelin' it? Now I am actually from the South and I know these Southern boys and their Southern pride, and Joe definitely followed suit by turning cold and rude when he was given the boot. Buh bye. The rest of the group date turned into a one on one with Johnny Bravo where Kaitlyn admitted to him that she had sex with Nick. Surprisingly, he said all the right things…but then recanted them at the rose ceremony before accepting the first rose. Ben got the second rose because, Ben. So it came down to Jared the sweetest guy ever and Nick the not-so-sweetest guy ever. Of course, because girls tend to make the worst decisions when it comes to choosing who to date, Nick got the last rose.




Okay, so. Out of these 5 guys, do we really have a Bachelor

1) Joe. No. I really have no reasoning behind this other than…no.

2) Jared. So sweet. And funny. And I want him to be my best friend. But that's really it…he's like, friend-zone central. I didn't think he was all that attractive on night one, but each time I saw him, he got cuter and cuter. But still, not Bachelor material. I just imagine the Bachelor as someone super manly and buff. (Is that sexist? It isn't even my type.) I compare him to Ben F* in that he doesn't have the ideal "Bachelor" look…and we all know what a disaster that season became. 

3) Nick. Okay, I'm gonna sound like Shawn here, but he's already been on the Bachelorette twice. He cannot be the Bachelor. Plus, he is just not interesting to me. At all.

4) Shawn. I don't think Shawn could handle it. Or he'd just go from being emotional on the Bachelorette to being a super playboy on the Bachelor. Neither of which I want to see.

5) Ben. Ben is perfect for the Bachelor. But I'm pretty sure he's also perfect for me, so… Maybe I should just apply. 




*When I searched for a good photo of Ben F, so many side by sides of him and Kris Jenner popped up. Have they been linked romantically? Seriously?

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

The Bachelorette, eh?

I'm getting back to my roots. My blog took off when I wrote about the Bachelorette, and I'm still watching. Kaitlyn has been one of my favorites, so far. Ben H, too.

It is infuriating me how the episodes are split this season. I like organization and having a rose ceremony in the middle of an episode is stressing me out. Here's a little recap to get us caught up.

-Kaitlyn is awesome because she's fun and knows that a relationship is more than just deep emotional conversation. Which is why Johnny Bravo needs to go, but more on that later.


-Clint (a.k.a. clean cut Jax Teller) was one of my favorites in the beginning. He was a bit of a douche, but I think his storyline was exaggerated by the producers. I also think it was highly offensive for them to make it seem like he was gay because they wanted ratings.


-I thought Ian (a.k.a. frontal lobe damage) was one of the most attractive men on this season, but he was a cocky, slut shaming douche with no real personality. I'll use the word "douche" a lot when describing these men because I think that's one of the boxes that has to be checked for them to pass the casting screening. Are you a douche? Yeah, pretty much. Okay, you're on!


-The situation with Nick V (a.k.a. douchelord), I must discuss. First, I think Kaitlyn made a mistake. (Not only because he is also a douche, but…) I think she knows she made a mistake. You shouldn't have sex with your boyfriend when you have like 10 other boyfriends. You just shouldn't. When she narrows it down to just one and then they watch the season…that's not gonna be good. Even though the guys signed up for this, they didn't really sign up for that. I also don't think that sex should be being had in the fantasy suite. First of all, the person going last would probably feel kinda icky, but the point is you're still dating other guys, so you're basically cheating. But, the more important issue here is the slut shaming going on. Every season of the Bachelor, something like this happens. Juan Pablo with Clare in the ocean,  Ben with Courtney in the ocean, even Chris with someone in a tent or something. When it's the guy, they never explicitly say what happened, but at the same time make the girl look like the villain. And here, though Kaitlyn is in the shoes of JP, Ben, and Chris (not Clare, Courtney, and whoever that was)…they still turn the girl into the villain. Hey! Guess what! Girls have sex, too!


So now we're all caught up. But things are different this time. Instead of narrowing from 6 to 4 and having hometowns…she's narrowing from 6 to 3 and having fantasy suite dates..and then hometowns when she gets to 2. Dun Dun Dun…so shocking. Um, actually I've always thought that's how it should be.

We have Ben H. She can't pick Ben H. because I want Ben H. But I think he might have a shot. Chris (a.k.a. cupcake dentist guy?) already got sent home and cried. I think she and Jared are perfect for each other, but ultimately, I don't see her choosing him.

Then we have Joe (Kentucky Boy) who is sweet but is totally going home. Nick who is so awful and needs to go home, but probably won't. And Shawn (a.k.a. Johnny Bravo), who has dug himself a grave by being way too serious and making her feel like shit for having other boyfriends when she's the Bachelorette and that's how this thing works.

The only thing I'm sure of is that Jared is making it to the top 3.

What do y'all think?

all images via ABC.com

Monday, June 29, 2015

Down with the Shine

After nearly three years of amazing ups and disastrous downs, the downs finally won out. A & I have called it quits. I never believed it when people said sometimes love isn't enough, but now I know that's true. We had the strongest love for each other. But it wasn't enough. You also need devotion and compassion and compromise and timing. We didn't have any of those, so love lost. I am heartbroken and will always have love for him, but I know this is best for both of us.

There's nothing good, because nothing lasts
And all that comes here, it comes here to pass
I would voice my pain, but the change wouldn't last
All that comes, it comes here to pass
-The Avett Brothers

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Finding Myself Again

Since I moved over to the new space, Faye & A, I've only posted a handful of times. None of which felt like me. It's good to be home again.

A & I are still together, but I had a realization that I need to find myself again & not only be the Faye to his A. Our relationship lately has been a bit of a rock climb. Sometimes I'm not sure if we're nearing a peak or about to lose our grip. I take a large part of the blame for that, because I'm holding onto his rope instead of my own. (Whoa at the cheesy analogy…I've been watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette for too long.)

I was always extremely independent. In life in general, but especially in relationships. That changed with A. I thought it was normal because I had found the one, so instead of me & him, it was us. That's not how it is, though. And I suppose it's not how it should be. Instead of a duo, we're solo acts who have chosen to share the same stage. (Damn you, ABC.)

We have different schedules, but I have worked around mine for him. We have different interests, but I have set mine aside for his. That's not working for me anymore. I need to find myself so that I can be me instead of just being part of us.

And actually, the first part of finding myself is going to be to stop lying to myself. So I take back what I said about us being solo acts on a shared stage. That's not how it should be. We should be doing this thing together. And no, that doesn't mean that we have to spend every free moment together or that we have to sacrifice everything for the other (which it seems I keep doing). We should be equal parts of a whole. We should be a duo. And I should be holding onto his rope, and he mine. But if we don't carry our own weight and give each other a little more slack, we're crashing fast.