Since I moved over to the new space, Faye & A, I've only posted a handful of times. None of which felt like me. It's good to be home again.
A & I are still together, but I had a realization that I need to find myself again & not only be the Faye to his A. Our relationship lately has been a bit of a rock climb. Sometimes I'm not sure if we're nearing a peak or about to lose our grip. I take a large part of the blame for that, because I'm holding onto his rope instead of my own. (Whoa at the cheesy analogy…I've been watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette for too long.)
I was always extremely independent. In life in general, but especially in relationships. That changed with A. I thought it was normal because I had found the one, so instead of me & him, it was us. That's not how it is, though. And I suppose it's not how it should be. Instead of a duo, we're solo acts who have chosen to share the same stage. (Damn you, ABC.)
We have different schedules, but I have worked around mine for him. We have different interests, but I have set mine aside for his. That's not working for me anymore. I need to find myself so that I can be me instead of just being part of us.
And actually, the first part of finding myself is going to be to stop lying to myself. So I take back what I said about us being solo acts on a shared stage. That's not how it should be. We should be doing this thing together. And no, that doesn't mean that we have to spend every free moment together or that we have to sacrifice everything for the other (which it seems I keep doing). We should be equal parts of a whole. We should be a duo. And I should be holding onto his rope, and he mine. But if we don't carry our own weight and give each other a little more slack, we're crashing fast.