Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Bachelorette Slumber Parties

I'll skip the summary of the overnight dates, how perfect Ben is, how stupid Kaitlyn is for sending him home, and how awful Nick and Shawn are and just go into my opinion of why it all happened.

Women (myself and Kaitlyn included) confuse drama with passion. So Kaitlyn sees the tension between Nick and Shawn and how jealous they are of each other and feels "desired". She sees the arguments and feels heat...the good kind of heat. I have learned the hard way...drama is not passion. Ben didn't come with any drama. Now, that's not to say there wouldn't be any in the future because this is real life, but if there's drama so early in a relationship, it's probably not going to last. I think she saw how sweet and positive Ben was and doubted that it was real, because she's not used to that. Most women aren't. We all need to realize that we do deserve the Ben H's of the world. Because it's safe to say that there aren't very many. So, I guess I need to get my application ready. Here's what my bio would look like.

Age: 27
Occupation: Technology Coordinator at a University
Hometown: Oxford, MS
Height: 5'1"
Tattoos: Three
All-time favorite movies: The Breakfast Club, Life as a House, Field of Dreams
Biggest date fear: Honestly, being nervous & drinking too much.

What does being married mean to you?
Sacrifice and commitment. Finding a balance with the person you have chosen and living a life together.

Describe your idea of the ultimate date.
A picnic under the stars. 
If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be?
Ben H. No, I would have to pick the Avett Brothers. Their music speaks to me and I just want to hug them and tell them thank you.

If you could be any superhero, which one would you be?
Batman. He doesn't have any fake super powers. He has gadgets and wit and gets his shit done.

On another note, I wrote a blog post about Chris L's departure on the Bachelorette in August 2010 where I said I was definitely going to apply. I didn't apply. He didn't become the Bachelor. And two months later, we were having dinner together in Boston. I need my second chance with Ben H.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

So…who should be the next Bachelor?

Last week, we left off with the sobfest that was Cupcake Chris, the Dentist, after Kaitlyn left him stranded on the edge of a cliff. With that, 5 contenders remain.

Perfect Ben H, Just Friends Jared, Country Boy Joe, Douchebag Nick, and Johnny Bravo, er…Shawn.
Quick recap: Perfect one on one with Perfect Ben. Group date with Joe, Nick, & Shawn. Even though I don't really consider Kentucky "the South", it is "country" and Country Boy Joe told Kaitlyn in his deepest hick accent, "I'm in love with you baby". Could he really not see that she wasn't feelin' it? Now I am actually from the South and I know these Southern boys and their Southern pride, and Joe definitely followed suit by turning cold and rude when he was given the boot. Buh bye. The rest of the group date turned into a one on one with Johnny Bravo where Kaitlyn admitted to him that she had sex with Nick. Surprisingly, he said all the right things…but then recanted them at the rose ceremony before accepting the first rose. Ben got the second rose because, Ben. So it came down to Jared the sweetest guy ever and Nick the not-so-sweetest guy ever. Of course, because girls tend to make the worst decisions when it comes to choosing who to date, Nick got the last rose.

Okay, so. Out of these 5 guys, do we really have a Bachelor

1) Joe. No. I really have no reasoning behind this other than…no.

2) Jared. So sweet. And funny. And I want him to be my best friend. But that's really it…he's like, friend-zone central. I didn't think he was all that attractive on night one, but each time I saw him, he got cuter and cuter. But still, not Bachelor material. I just imagine the Bachelor as someone super manly and buff. (Is that sexist? It isn't even my type.) I compare him to Ben F* in that he doesn't have the ideal "Bachelor" look…and we all know what a disaster that season became. 

3) Nick. Okay, I'm gonna sound like Shawn here, but he's already been on the Bachelorette twice. He cannot be the Bachelor. Plus, he is just not interesting to me. At all.

4) Shawn. I don't think Shawn could handle it. Or he'd just go from being emotional on the Bachelorette to being a super playboy on the Bachelor. Neither of which I want to see.

5) Ben. Ben is perfect for the Bachelor. But I'm pretty sure he's also perfect for me, so… Maybe I should just apply. 

*When I searched for a good photo of Ben F, so many side by sides of him and Kris Jenner popped up. Have they been linked romantically? Seriously?