Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Music Challenge

I've attempted to do this 30 Day Song Challenge before, but never made it to day 30. So, I'm completing it now with just the first song that pops into my head for each. Playlist below!

your favorite song: "Black Hole Sun" - Soundgarden
your least favorite song: "Comfortable" - John Mayer

a song that...
makes you happy: "Live and Die" - The Avett Brothers
makes you sad: "O' Sister" - City and Colour
reminds you of someone: "Buy me a Boat" - Chris Janson
reminds you of somewhere: "Fans" - Kings of Leon
reminds you of a certain event: "Chain Hang Low" - Jibbs
you know all the words to: "Rap God" - Eminem
you can dance to: "Oops!... I Did It Again" - Britney Spears
makes you fall asleep: "Such Great Heights (cover)" - Iron & Wine
is from your favorite band: "Serve the Servants" - Nirvana
is from a band you hate: "Beautiful Day" - U2
is a guilty pleasure: "Lean On" - Major Lazer feat. MØ & DJ Snake
no one would expect you to love: "Strip it Down" - Luke Bryan
describes you: "The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most" - Dashboard Confessional
you used to love but now hate: "Picture" - Kid Rock feat. Sheryl Crow
you hear often on the radio: "Can't Feel my Face" - The Weeknd
you wish you heard on the radio: "Hard Times" - The Wild Feathers
is from your favorite album: "All I Really Want" - Alanis Morissette
you listen to when you're angry: "The Red" - Chevelle
you listen to when you're happy: "Diane Young" - Vampire Weekend
you listen to when you're sad: "Use Me Up" - Hanson
you want to play at your wedding: "Love is my Religion (cover)" - Franky Perez, The Forest Rangers
you want to play at your funeral: "Say Goodnight" - Beth Nielsen Chapman
makes you laugh: "Song for the Dumped" - Ben Folds Five
you can play on an instrument: "I Love You Always Forever" - Donna Lewis
you wish you could play: "Schism" - Tool*
makes you feel guilty: "She" - Tyler, The Creator feat. Frank Ocean
is from your childhood: "If I Only Had a Brain" - MC 900 Ft. Jesus

your favorite song this time last year: "Harder Than Stone" - City and Colour

*not on Spotify

Monday, November 9, 2015

The Spiral

One of the biggest things that came from my most recent relationship (and subsequent breakup) was a mountain of insecurities. I've always faked confidence really well, but I was so beat down in this relationship, I couldn't do it anymore.

Everything was my fault, always. I was too critical. I was too mean. I was too fat. I was too negative. It was too much for me and I started to believe it all.

Following the breakup, it was even worse. "You know everyone thinks you're overwhelming and pushy and that I could do better." Well, ok, yes, I am overwhelming and pushy and I think we could both do better because we just aren't a good fit for each other...but hearing it stung a little bit.

I'm full of myself. I just don't know what love is. I'll never be happy because I push everyone away.

The past few weeks, I've been really down about it all. I've been going out a little too much, which then just makes me feel more insecure/ashamed. It's time to escape the Spiral.

I need to find a better outlet. Maybe it will be this blog. Maybe it will be working out (and not because he thinks I'm too fat). Maybe it will be something else. But it's time to really move on and start my life again.