Wednesday, December 9, 2015

It's Judgment Day

This. Is. Happening. I'm taking it back to my roots as a blogger and going all out for this season of the Bachelor. Mostly because I am seriously disappointed in myself for not applying. Ya know, Chris L. was cute and funny and I met him and he was wicked nice and all, but...Ben. Ben is perfect. And I'm pretty sure we would fall in love and have all of the babies if we ever met. But instead, I'll weep into my bottle of wine every Monday night as I watch him date these 28 bimbos I mean ladies.

Amanda is pretty. But she's 25 and gets botox. She's a single mom & works as an esthetician. There's always one of these and she's usually a little crazy. I'm lookin' at you, Michelle Money.*

We already know Amber from Bachelor in Paradise and what little we saw of her on Chris' season. She's a 30 year old bartender from Chicago. Meh.

Another repeat offender, Becca, from Chris' season. On paper, she's probably perfect for Ben. But I thought she was a little bland. Hopefully she'll open up more to Ben than she did to Chris. Except not because I still want to marry him. Oh and I wonder how many times we're gonna hear about her being a virgin? I'd put the over/under at 10 per episode and I'll pick the over every time.

Breanne is 30, lives in Seattle, and is trying really hard to be a feminist.

Caila is adorable, but a little too cutesy for me. She's a software sales rep (like Ben) and is 24.

Okay. The twins. Their listed twin. Are you kidding me? This show. My goodness. Anyway. The twins are Emily and Haley and I hope they're more interesting than their bios. I also hope they go home the same week because I have a sister and sibling rivalry is a big deal.

Izzy is a 24 year old graphic designer and is super cute and seems kinda normal. But she doesn't like to read and mentioned 50 Shades of Grey,!

23 year old Jackie seems sweet. I honestly can't find a fault in her bio. She's a gerontologist, which means she works with old people and I love old people.

Jami is a 23 and works as a bartender. Which hopefully means she's in school. Seriously, girls. Get real jobs.

Well, well. Jennifer is a small business owner at the age of 25. Go, Jennifer! Unless that means she sells Rodan+Fields on Facebook. Then, no.

Jessica is 23, an accountant, and might be one of my early favorites. The bios always fool you, though.

24 year old real estate developer from Texas, JoJo, is adorable and wants to have lunch with Jesus.

Jubilee is gorgeous and a war veteran. She's 24.

Lace is a 25 year old real estate agent who apparently doesn't flush the toilet when she poops.

Laura is a cute little 24 year old ginger "account executive" from Kentucky.

Lauren "LB" is a fashion buyer from Oklahoma and is 23. She seems normal.

Then we have Lauren B. who is a 25 year old flight attendant and loves love.

Lauren H. is a kindergarten teacher in Michigan. She's 25 and is dyyyyying to get married, like, ASAP.

Lauren R. (seriously? you need that many Laurens?) is a 26 year old math teacher and looks like Kat Dennings.

Leah is 25, wants to be a mermaid, and twerked during her Bachelor interview. Gross.

And we have a cowgirl. Maegan is 30, lives in Texas, listens to Red Dirt Country music, and likes to BBQ and drink beers. (I like it.)

Mandi is a 28 year old dentist who might be a bitch. She referred to herself as "opinionated" which we all know means bitch. I'm opinionated, too, girl.

Olivia is a news anchor and she looks like a news anchor. She likes alternative music and flannel, but she's 23 so she's probably a new fan of the 90s.

Rachel is 23 and unemployed.

26 year old Samantha is an attorney in Florida. Lots of ladies from Florida.

Shushanna is a mathematician. She's 27.

And lastly, we have a girl whose name is Tiara, prefers "medium weather", enjoys being the center of attention, and is a chicken enthusiast. Seriously? She's 26.

No one really jumped out at me. Probably because I don't think any of them will be good enough for Ben. Because they're not me. But. If I had to choose 5 to keep my eye on, it would be Becca, Izzy, Jessica, JoJo, and Olivia.

All images are from ABC - The Bachelor.

*I actually love Michelle Money, but she definitely brought her fair share of drama when she was on Brad's season.

1 comment:

  1. Yay-- glad you're back! I loved Ben last season, so I'm hoping he doesn't disappoint as the Bachelor. And what is with all these babies?? Almost all are so young!